That's All I've Got To Say
by calliope-love
Summary: Ten vignettes concerning Break and Liam's relationship. Sappy fluff and fluffy sap; you may find yourself craving cake after, if you read them all at once.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes:** Up until now my favorite of my own fanfics has been Moment. I think this one is going to replace it - appropriate, perhaps, given that this is a whole lot of moments strung together. I am honestly, humbly proud of this piece. It has been years since I put so much sheer craftwork into any of my writing, and I didn't realize how much it took out of me until I finished it several days ago. It has taken me almost a month to write it.

Thanks so much to **their_kingdom** for her helpful feedback while I was proofreading. PLEASE NOTE that the vignettes are not in chronological order! They are in order, yes, but it's not chronological.

* * *

"I've had time to write a book about

The way you act and look,

But I haven't got a paragraph.

Words are always getting in my way.

Anyway, I love you.

That's all I have to tell you.

That's all I've got to say."

~The Last Unicorn

Break is aware of how he feels for quite some time, but he keeps it to himself for the most part. It's not that he's afraid, or ashamed, or unsure. It's that the feeling is so natural that it calms him, and he's perfectly content to just sit back and enjoy it. No weak knees and butterflies around Liam, no; Break really isn't the sort for that anyway. There's just a familiarity he can find in little else, something so simple and deep under his skin that he's not sure he could say it aloud if he wanted to.

Liam himself misses it at first, because he's grown up with it, really; it's like his affection for the other man has always been there, wrapped up in a lovely package of frustration and awe. He runs across it for the first time when he starts to realize that Break might not always be in his life, as he had assumed. After that he pays more attention to it.

He doesn't mention it either, though. Not because he's afraid, or ashamed, or unsure. It's because no change in their routine seems necessary when already, for years, Liam says, "Xerxes Break, you are the _worst,"_ and Break hears, "You are very dear to me."


	2. Chapter 2

Liam has probably seen more of Break being _quiet_ than anyone else has. Not just distant, as he was those first several months at Rainsworth — counting that almost feels like cheating, in fact, a chance detail that gives him a head start on the others where Break is concerned. No, not distant; honestly _quiet_. Every once in a while, Break _doesn't_ feel the need to fill the air with his voice.

It happens when he gets his hands on a book he particularly likes. It happens those nights that the two of them go out to the theater together and Break enjoys the play enough that he doesn't lean over and whisper commentary about it the entire time. It happens at the conclusion of an especially good meal, and when there's a piano in the room and someone talented sits down to play. It happens during the first snow of the season, and between the first two sips of a cup of his favorite tea, and just after he's successfully teased Liam into a flustered snit.

Liam tries to be present for as many of these things as possible. He loves knowing that Break loves things.


	3. Chapter 3

Both of them have a sweet tooth, but it's not quite as simple as that. For Liam, cookies and candies and the like are a treat, an indulgence to be appreciated after a hard day's work; Break is liable to eat an entire cake for dinner if left unsupervised. Liam prefers chocolates and Break prefers hard candy. Liam likes cake for the cake part while Break sees it mostly as a vessel for the frosting, and Liam likes apple pie while Break loves cherry. Cookies are a bit more dangerous to try to eat together; if there's one thing they agree on, it's that it's almost impossible to make an objectionable cookie, unless you burn them to a crisp or manage to get them completely tasteless. A plate of cookies placed in front of them digresses rather quickly into a free-for-all.

But of course they have their favorites. Break holds sugar cookies above all others, the ones that come in exciting shapes, decorated with all colors of icing and sprinkles. Liam can't get enough of the dark, chewy kind with molasses and spices — he'll eat an entire batch of those on his own in just a couple of days if he lets himself.

It makes it easy for them to miss each other around Christmas, especially when Liam goes home to his own family. It's not as if they spend all of their time apart pining for one another's company. They both adore the holiday, and the people they spend it with. But this time of year, Break is found hovering around the kitchens more often than not, where the smell of cinnamon and cloves is simply unavoidable. And Liam? Liam can take one look at a pile of sugar cookies and know instantly which ones Break would want to eat first. It never fails to make him smile.


	4. Chapter 4

In his years dividing his time between Rainsworth and Pandora, Break has made a habit of spending one night a week in his room at headquarters instead of at home. He uses this night to catch up on whatever he's fallen too behind in, so that by the next morning he always knows everything that's going in Pandora and he's done just enough of his own work to get by before he shoves the rest onto his dearest friend.

Liam doesn't find out about these nights until he is invited to take part in them, because Break can't see anymore. They put their jackets aside and kick off their shoes and there's a great big stack of candy piled between them on the chaise; the paperwork takes up most of the coffee table in front of them. Liam dutifully records the other man's snide commentary in the margins, just as Break himself always had, and Break expresses his amused approval by only throwing a few pieces of candy at him that night.

It doesn't take long for Liam to get a crick in his back from leaning over the table, so he moves to sit on the floor and Break stretches out to lounge properly. Close to midnight, Liam glances at the other man and realizes he's dozed off. They're not done, and he really should wake him up so he can at least move to the bed, but he's seemed so _worn_ lately that Liam just can't bear to disturb him and that's the last thought he has before he wakes up slouched over the coffee table with sore shoulders and a deeply entertaining document concerning the eating habits of B. Rabbit stuck to his cheek.

Break wakes up just a few minutes later sore all over and _complains_ to Liam about it all _day_. It takes them only one more week to decide they officially hate the chaise, and on the third week they move their operation to the bed. Liam drags a nightstand to the foot of it so he'll have somewhere safe to put his pens when they're not in use and finds a large atlas to use as a writing desk; the candy remains in a huge pile between them and they both sprawl out on their stomachs, feet kicking up in the air. It's practically a slumber party. Break teases that it's the most fun he's had doing work in years. Liam snorts at him and refuses to admit that he agrees.


	5. Chapter 5

The last play the two of them ever _see_ together — sometime after Rufus Barma's irritating little stunt but before Break sneaks off to Sabrie — is one from Break's past. Someone does a production of it every few years or so, and it's the one play Break always refuses to attend, without even bothering to make up an excuse. Knowing he'll probably never get an explanation, Liam simply lets it go, not wanting to bring up things the other man wants to forget. He never goes to see it on his own, either. It somehow feels too disrespectful.

But more and more, Break is getting this feeling that things are beginning to come to an end of some kind, and he remembers how Liam had been so interested in it when he was young…younger. So when the play pops up again, Break takes a deep breath or five and invites him out to see it.

"Is it okay?' Liam asks quietly before he agrees.

"It's fine," says Break. "It was my favorite, once."

And it was, truly; he'd loved it, until the young Miss Sinclair begged and begged her parents to take her to see "the story with the fairies". They hadn't had the time, and so they'd sent her with Kevin. The Sinclair household kept several knights, but he was the one she favored most, perhaps because he was so young and slender and not at all rough and scary like the other knights were. She'd been far too little to understand the bulk of the play and too naive to question it, but oh, how enchanted she'd been by the actors and actresses in their magical costumes, dancing across the stage designed to look like a fairy forest; and how pleased Kevin had been to spend the afternoon seeing the play he loved so much with this bubbly little child that he never quite knew what to do with, but of whom he was genuinely fond.

They'd gone home afterwards to find the entire household slaughtered.

But now there's forty-five years between him and that day, even if to him it's only been fifteen, and it's Liam who's sitting next to Break in the theater. The story is the same and so are the words, but the voices that speak them are different, and the costumes are new. The forest is new. Liam shoots Break a knowing look from the corner of his eye damn near every time Puck appears on the stage, and laughs at all the right places, and Break still remembers every line in this play even though he hasn't gone near it in all that time and it's all so familiar that he begins to lose track of where he is. His past and his present crash together more and more forcefully through the night. It's like storm-driven ocean waves battering him from all sides, turning him around and around until he can no longer tell what exactly he's looking at, and in the midst of it all Break can't help but love the theater and the fairies and all the foolish mortals and Liam especially, with all his heart, even as some part of him is absolutely terrified that he's going to go home and find everything gone again. He has to squash that part down all night long, remind himself not to get lost in his own time.

Then the play ends and the waves stop and he's left sitting there in his chair, wondering if Puck was right and if any of it _was_ just a dream, and what he might do about it if that were the case.

Liam enjoys the play very much, but he keeps half an eye on Xerxes during the whole thing. The other man is distant afterward — not just quiet, distant — and though he doesn't _seem_ particularly unhappy or upset, Liam frets nonetheless, wondering what memories the play may have brought up for him. Break spends the carriage ride back to Rainsworth off in his own head somewhere, in a world Liam knows he is never going to reach no matter how close they are. He seems to come back a little when they reach the mansion, and he lets out a breath he'd probably been holding the entire way home when they get to the door and hear Sharon and her grandmother laughing together in the front parlor. It's late and Liam is spending the night at Rainsworth, and the two of them stop to greet the women before they retire to their beds. Break chats with them easily enough, and neither of them seem to see any reason to worry about him, but Liam knows exactly how diabolical Break can be when it comes to hiding any and all weak spots and he can't quite bring himself to believe Break is really entirely stable just then.

The room he lived in years ago is still reserved for Liam's visits. It's in the opposite direction from Break's. Liam walks with Break anyway.

When they reach Break's door, Liam says, "I'll see you tomorrow, then?" and receives a vague hum in response. He _knows_ he will see Break tomorrow, that's not the point. Feeling a little desperate, he reaches out and tilts Break's face up and kisses him right on the mouth, gently, because even though they've never done this before it's the best thing he can think to do to remind the other man to come back to the world he's living in now.

Break stiffens in surprise at the contact, only for a few seconds, and then chuckles in the back of his throat. He leans into his friend, just enough that the fabric of their clothing rustles together, and lets one hand rest against his chest. It's not a very exciting kiss, and it's certainly not going to fix everything that's knocked askew in his head just then, but it's pleasant and sweet and it really does help. When they pull apart Break scoots forward to rest his cheek against Liam's.

"You don't have to worry about me," Break whispers, because he knows exactly what has just happened. "I'm okay."

"Alright," Liam says, just as softly.

Break gives him a little smile — quiet, but not distant — and playfully flicks at one of Liam's earrings before he retreats into his room. Liam heads to his own, feeling better. Half an hour later he'll wake himself up from a doze when it occurs to him what he's done and a delayed bit of flustering hits him, but Break is in a mellow, pleasant mood at breakfast the next morning, and he never teases Liam about that kiss. Not once.


	6. Chapter 6

A few individuals have discovered that Liam always carries candy in his pockets and they have all accepted the explanation that he uses it to bribe Xerxes Break into some vague semblance of productivity. They _don't_ know that he carries peppermints for cheery days, lemon drops for mischievous ones, strawberry cream candies to ease stubbornness, caramels when it rains, cinnamon drops for grumpy moods, and taffy for when Break is outright _angry_ and needs something to gnaw on. He has at least one of most of those on his person at all times, and a much larger stash in his desk drawer. Apologies always come in the form of those little gummy raspberries with the sprinkles that make them crunchy, and when Liam is feeling affectionate, he gets a box of chocolate-covered cherries for them to share. Break likes to bite just enough of a hole in his to get the cherry out, and then he puts the chocolate _back in the box_ so that Liam can be aghast at him later.

Bribing Xerxes Break is rather a complicated endeavor if you're doing it right.


	7. Chapter 7

It's their fifth "Paperwork Party" and Liam has stopped pretending he's going to leave once Break has dozed off. These weekly get-togethers have become important to him. _Xerxes_ is important to him; that's been true for years but it's even more so now, and Liam wants to be with him as much as possible. Even if one or both of them are asleep.

Break drifts off much earlier than usual this time. The air has been especially dry the past few days, aggravating his new tendency to cough even without the Hatter — Liam has been subtly feeding him hard candies with honey in the center — and he hasn't been sleeping well because of it. There's a lot to do still, so Liam just keeps working, albeit not at his usual solitary pace. The older man manages to distract him and slow him down even when he's sleeping; Liam pauses to watch him every time he shifts, every time he coughs.

He shouldn't be moving around so much. Break is a fairly light sleeper, but not a restless one. When he's feeling well he'll sometimes stay comfortable in one position for the entire night. Liam works himself into a nice bit of concern over all the motion, and cringes when Break rolls onto his back. He already has the pen on the night stand and the paperwork put aside when Break falls into a fit and coughs himself awake.

"Xerxes," Liam says, taking his friend by the shoulder and forcing him onto his side, facing away from him; Break immediately starts to curl into a ball. The coughing sounds horrible. He has nothing to cough up, he just can't _stop_. Liam presses one hand into Break's back, feeling the muscles clenching under his palm, and he rubs at them, slowly, to help ease him through the spasms. He keeps rubbing when the coughing finally does die down, because Break's breathing is still unsteady and he probably scared himself, waking up choking like that.

"When you have a cough, laying on your back makes it worse," he murmurs, shifting to let his head rest against the back of Break's. "That's the first thing I ever remember my mother telling me. I used to catch every cold that came into the house."

"I was never sick as a child," Break replied softly. He could have almost sounded _wistful_, but his voice had gone just hoarse enough to disguise it. He let Liam coddle him for a while longer before he left the bed to find Liam's jacket and rifle through his pockets, looking for more honey candy.


	8. Chapter 8

They've never really been shy about touching one another. Liam was only twelve the first time he and Break and Sharon had accidentally fallen asleep together one rainy, boring day; once Break carried him around on his back for a week after he'd hurt his ankle falling out of a tree, and then they'd got into the habit of inflicting all manner of pokings and proddings on each other just to be annoying. The very first real interaction they ever _had _involved Liam reaching out to grab at Break's wrist and pull his hand away from his missing eye.

No, some level of physical contact has been normal for them for years and years and years, so they never have to go through that nonsense phase some couples endure where every accidental brush of the fingers results in a stammer and a blush. All the same, after Liam kisses him and Break accepts it happily, it's like a door has opened and they've stepped through it. Suddenly, though neither of them ever says so aloud, it's okay for Break to take a seat on Liam's lap instead of on his desk when he feels like being bothersome, and it's okay that sometimes when he does that Liam will actually stop working and just hold him close, and when Liam discovers that kissing Break is an excellent way to shut him up, that's okay too.

The thoughtless touches are the best ones.

One day, before he even realizes he has the impulse to do it, Liam reaches out and pushes Break's hair aside from his missing eye. Break glances up out of habit, a little surprised. He can't see it, but Liam is wearing his quiet expression.

"I've never actually seen all of your face at once," Liam explains when his thoughts catch up to his hand and he notices the question in Break's features. "The first time, there was blood, here." He lets his palm rest completely against Break's skin, his thumb warm against his cheekbone underneath the hollow eyelid. "When the blood was gone, bandages. And you started styling your hair like this before the bandages were off."

"And now, your hand is there," Break points out gently.

Liam smiles a little. "So it is." He shifts it so all it's doing is holding the hair away. Break lets both eyelids fall shut.


	9. Chapter 9

One night, when Xerxes Break has lost count of their little "parties" because they've had to up them to two a week, he wakes up scrunched into a shivering ball and suffering from icy cold toes. This is a situation he finds mortally offensive. The fire must have gone out. A little voice that lives in his head and sounds suspiciously like Liam starts going on about having the common sense not to go barefoot when it's still not quite spring yet, giving him a strange bit of déjà vu until he remembers that he received the exact same lecture from the man himself the night before. Since Liam is still there, on the other side of the bed — he can hear him breathing — Break yawns disdainfully at the little voice and scoots closer to him. It is _quite_ obvious that the solution here is to steal his body heat.

Liam is sleeping flat on his back and the arm closest to Break is flung up over his head — convenient, that — and Break happily settles his own head on that shoulder and snuggles up close. Because he is all _kinds_ of magnanimous and considerate, he refrains from shoving his freezing feet up Liam's pant leg, pressing them against the outside of his socks instead. He really is trying to be sneaky about it, but Liam stirs anyway, turning his face to nose against Break's hair.

"Are you cold?" he mumbles. The arm drops and settles itself around Break's shoulders. Then, presumably because actually getting up and getting under the covers would be too much effort (this is something Break very much understands), Liam leans over him and reaches out to grab the top of the bedspread where Break was just laying, pulling that half of it over both of them. They wind up wrapped in the thing like some sort of cocoon, and they probably look very silly. Liam drops a kiss onto Break's head and falls right back to sleep.

This is _much_ better. Break is immensely pleased.


	10. Chapter 10

Liam is loving in the same way he's everything else — thorough, catching all the details effortlessly, aware of far more than most people would ever even imagine noticing. He's genuinely a _sweetheart_ on top of that, and Break can't help but feel that Liam is wasted on him; he really should be off making some nice young lady his own age fall madly in love with him so he can get married and produce a picture-perfect family, but no. No. He's lavishing all his attentions on an old blind man.

Break is far more aware of all this since losing his eyesight, and it's not just in how quickly Liam has learned to hand him things without needing to be asked, or how he takes the trouble to forge his handwriting just so their superiors at Pandora will think Break is still moderately active with his paperwork. Now that he's watching for it, he can look back and realize just how prominent Liam has been in his life. Ever since the very first time Liam reached out to him as a boy, whenever Break has fallen behind in some way or other it's been Liam who's stepped forward to make up the difference, always.

It's humbling enough as it is that someone can read his moods like an open book and provide the appropriate candy out of nowhere, but this, this is the last straw. Liam has taken to setting Break's clothes out for him after they've spent the night together, and Break has just discovered his favorite squishy purple socks right on top of the pile. If Liam can now tell — in _advance_, before they've done more than mumble good mornings at each other — when Break is going to have a squishy purple socks sort of day, Break is quite obviously doomed, and is never going to be his own person ever again. Worst of all, he can't even bring himself to be annoyed about it like he should be, because now he doesn't have to find those socks on his own and those socks make damn near _everything _better.

Break really doesn't feel like he deserves Liam and he probably never will. But no way in hell is he going to let him go. Squishy purple socks — he probably couldn't get rid of him if he _tried_.

Right as he arrives at this conclusion Liam returns from the Pandora kitchens armed with two cups of tea, tea being an absolute necessity for coping with having to get up in the morning. They'll find some breakfast later. More importantly, _tea._ He calls a greeting to Xerxes and sets the tray down on the coffee table, letting it clink so Break will know where to find it. Then he realizes that the other man is just standing there, still in the clothes he wore the day before, looking a little bit lost.

"Xerxes?" Liam asks, approaching him. He reaches out to turn Break's face toward him; even though the other man can't see anymore he still very much enjoys the gesture. "Is something wrong?"

"I love you," Break tells him, for the first time, because though there are some things he refuses to talk about, he will never lie; and Liam's far too smart not to have figured this out already. He gives him his most cheerful smile. "That's all."

"Oh," Liam says, relaxing. Then he replies, easily, "Well, I love you, too," because Break knows it just as well as he does, so he might as well.

And there's nothing more to say about it, really.


End file.
